We are quite a hypocritical lot anyway. Even beyond jobs and finance. If a woman (single) chooses to live away from her ageing parents for her job, she is often viewed as insensitive and selfish. Not the sons. However, if the same woman lives away from her parents in a diff city because her spouse lives in another city, that's viewed as unfortunate but conveniently inevitable and quite acceptable.
Been reading you since coconut chutney (chutney case?) days and haven't said hi. Good read, and agree! Would also like to add that juggling careers seamlessly is less of a hassle when there aren't children involved. With kids around, it sort of defaults to the support of the "village" especially when the woman's job involves extensive traveling. You could say the partners should be able to care for the child by themselves in the absence of the other but it's rarely that easy in India unless you are in a senior position. The company's culture plays a huge role too
Hahah omg, thank you and HI! Absolutely agree and that points to why ambitious folks without the village are increasingly choosing to be DINK (there’s data to show that there’s been a 30% increase in dink couples in India). In my own case, I had the luxury of parents and parents-in-law in the same city and my mother in law was instrumental in helping out. Parents should be able to care but if the other is also in a demanding job it gets really hard. I do agree that despite it all, the argument will always, always be that “the child needs the mother”. So going DINK/adoption down the line seem to be emerging solutions. Kinda sucks for ambitious women who also want their own kids but it is what it is.
I had never thought about ambition imbalance/prioritisation in relationships before, so this is really interesting and important! I think increasingly we are seeing compromise being redistributed more evenly, especially in fields/roles that require more education.
I do wonder how planning for a family affects this distribution and prioritisation of ambition. Knowing that at one point, the woman will have to take parental leave and potentially be paid less or 'stall' her career.
Like someone else (Second Thoughts) said in the comments - the company’s culture plays a huge role. I currently work at a place that offers 6 months paid mat leave + 1 year of WFH flexibility, which is incredibly helpful for new mums to focus on baby and figure out caregiving. I do agree though - that it’s really really hard for the first 5 years - for BOTH parents. Which is where nannies + technology and other expensive solutions come in, so honestly today children are as much a financial decision as they are an emotional decision :|
A timely and important read just in time for V Day. Thank you!
Thank you for reading!
We are quite a hypocritical lot anyway. Even beyond jobs and finance. If a woman (single) chooses to live away from her ageing parents for her job, she is often viewed as insensitive and selfish. Not the sons. However, if the same woman lives away from her parents in a diff city because her spouse lives in another city, that's viewed as unfortunate but conveniently inevitable and quite acceptable.
Absolutely. We have a long way to go :(
Been reading you since coconut chutney (chutney case?) days and haven't said hi. Good read, and agree! Would also like to add that juggling careers seamlessly is less of a hassle when there aren't children involved. With kids around, it sort of defaults to the support of the "village" especially when the woman's job involves extensive traveling. You could say the partners should be able to care for the child by themselves in the absence of the other but it's rarely that easy in India unless you are in a senior position. The company's culture plays a huge role too
Hahah omg, thank you and HI! Absolutely agree and that points to why ambitious folks without the village are increasingly choosing to be DINK (there’s data to show that there’s been a 30% increase in dink couples in India). In my own case, I had the luxury of parents and parents-in-law in the same city and my mother in law was instrumental in helping out. Parents should be able to care but if the other is also in a demanding job it gets really hard. I do agree that despite it all, the argument will always, always be that “the child needs the mother”. So going DINK/adoption down the line seem to be emerging solutions. Kinda sucks for ambitious women who also want their own kids but it is what it is.
Well said. Hope we get to the compromise, instead of the sacrifice.
That is the hope :) Thank you for reading!
I had never thought about ambition imbalance/prioritisation in relationships before, so this is really interesting and important! I think increasingly we are seeing compromise being redistributed more evenly, especially in fields/roles that require more education.
I do wonder how planning for a family affects this distribution and prioritisation of ambition. Knowing that at one point, the woman will have to take parental leave and potentially be paid less or 'stall' her career.
Like someone else (Second Thoughts) said in the comments - the company’s culture plays a huge role. I currently work at a place that offers 6 months paid mat leave + 1 year of WFH flexibility, which is incredibly helpful for new mums to focus on baby and figure out caregiving. I do agree though - that it’s really really hard for the first 5 years - for BOTH parents. Which is where nannies + technology and other expensive solutions come in, so honestly today children are as much a financial decision as they are an emotional decision :|